We're not lucky, we're just making the most of what we have

Let's start with a conversation nearly 8 years ago...

Sitting in an office, Mr and I were talking for pretty much the first time and he said that his Mum had died recently, it turned out our first 'dates' would be me helping to clear and sort his Mum's flat. Add to that, his Dad had died in a horrific accident only 6 months earlier, it's been a tough 8 years!

It's taken all this time and a LOT of heartache to sort things out, in that time we've got married, had one child and another on the way, but everyday I just wish that his Mum in particular got to meet me, see her son get married and meet her grandchildren.

So as we get ready to move into our own house and stop paying someone else's mortgage I'm really struggling. I've had so many comments of 'you're so lucky' and worse being teased for being posh because of where we've bought (it's really not).

Yes, we've been able to buy a house where we wanted to, but I'd give it up any day of the week if it meant his Mum still being here.

We're not lucky, we're just making the most of what we have left.

Limbo Land

Well here I am in 'Limbo Land' and I don't like it....

I remember this phase well from last time, you've got the positive test, you then wait FOREVER for the 12 week scan & then with baited breath, there it is, a little baby and all seems well, phew!

Next phase is waiting for the 16 week midwife appointment where you get to hear the hearbeat, now this is the phase I find the hardest, there are no definite movements yet (a couple of maybe that was something) and all you can do is just hope everything is ok!
This has been made worse this time by a mild scare last week*, I've been told that most likely everything is ok but they won't send me for a scan. I called the midwife who was really helpful, I asked if I could come into a 'drop-in clinic' for a heartbeat listen, she said yes I could but it might be too early to pick up! So do I go?? I might get to hear the hearbeat which would be amazing or I might still hear nothing...

So for now I wait in limbo land....hoping...

*If you know me and I haven't mentioned this please don't be offended, I just really didn't feel like talking about it before